My kid brother is leaving the family.
I know he sometimes wishes he can actually leave the family, but this is not happening in the forseeable future. Not if I can help it. Come to think of it, Kasha will kill him first before she allows this to happen. No. My kid brother is leaving us to chase his dreams.
His American dreams.
We have been polar opposites for as long as I can remember. He is an extrovert, while I am a well-adjusted introvert. He hates studying, whereas I--wait, I hate studying too. I just love reading. He has a natural charm, and he gathers and keeps friends whom he considers family, whereas I have only my family. I do not make friends easily, and I'm even worse at keeping them. He is in love with his soulmate, whereas I am only in love with the idea of a soulmate, but shudder at the thought of sharing my life with someone, anyone.
My brother lives his life, while I...I sit back, observe, and write about it.
Back in school, he used to complain that I cast a looming shadow and teachers compared the both of us and expected him to follow my footsteps. In his typical fashion, he sidestepped and stood in his own light. In truth, I have always hidden in my siblings' shadows, a place most comfortable and secure. I used to always be "Lisha's little brother" in school, and I am now "Kude/Kudegraphy's brother" and "Mo". Of course, I also don't have a clue how to be under the radar, but it's always good to know that I have a place to go to whenever the world gets too much, too crowded for me.
Only now, half of my safety-shadow will be half a world away.
I have voiced my concern, that my brother and his soulmate Ili have made a significant name in the local wedding photography scene as Kudegraphy, and when they move to the United States of America, they'll have to start fresh, and they will not have the safety net that they are used to here. At the same time, I have also voiced my sincere admiration for their bravery.
They are out there, doing what they love best.
They are out there, chasing their dreams.
They are out there, living life.
We've always had our differences, and I keep yelling at him to be more responsible, to carry his weight in taking care of our family, and he keeps yelling back. The one thing he said that I'll carry forever is, "You don't have a life, Abang." It'll stay because what he said is absolutely true. I used to only live for my family, but after the accident, I don't even know what I'm living for. Day-to-day survival? One breath at a time? I don't know. I used to not have a life, and now I'm not even living.
So yes. I am a little envious at my kid brother for grabbing life by the balls while I cling to a fraying tether. More than that, however, I want him to push himself further, because he can go so much farther, spread his wings so much wider. It's enough that Kasha and I are bogged down by our responsibilities; one of the three of us should taste the best life has to offer, so that the other two can live through him vicariously.
My kid brother Faiz, known to the world as Kude, will venture out into the unknown, without the safety net of family to cushion him and Ili, and as much fear I have for their well-being, I eclipse that with hope that they will make it big no matter where they land.
So I implore you, dear friends, regardless which deity you pray to, to pray for Kude's and Ili's safety, happiness and prosperity. I'm sure the Almighty will take your well wishes into consideration and envelop these two with His grace.
I love you, Kiddo. Godspeed.
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