Questioning Faith

 

In the name of Allah, the Merciful and Compassionate.

I started questioning my faith when I was in Primary School. I think I was 10 or 11 at that time. I had a good friend then, an Indian boy who's also a Hindu. He was one of the gentlest, most kind-hearted souls I had come across. He may likely still be the same person, I don't know; we kinda lost touch.

I learned early on that kafirs--or non-Muslims--can never taste Heaven, as they are non-believers. I asked my ustaz if this was true, if my friend would never belong in Heaven. This is what he told me: "If your friend doesn't believe in Allah, doesn't convert to Islam, he will unfortunately end up in Hell, and Heaven is forever out of his reach."

I refused to believe someone as kind and generous as my friend would end up in Hell. I still refuse to believe it. I know there is a special room in Hell with my name on the door, but according to my ustaz, as long as I repent before my dying breath, Heaven is still within reach. It may take me a few thousand lifetimes to get there, though.

That friend of mine? He doesn't belong in Hell. Not for a moment.

Do you remember the song I've embedded? Written by Eric Brazilian, it was first sung by Joan Osborne. I don't blame you if you don't know it. If first heard the song on the radio when I was in Secondary 4 (1996). I instantly loved it, because it resonated. Then a month later the song simply disappeared. It won accolades, but as it is labeled a Christian song, the powers that be deemed it offensive. They got the wrong message, but singing "What if God was one of us, just a slob like one of us, just a stranger on the bus, trying to make His way home" was a blasphemy.

Throughout history, there are "blasphemous" hit songs, people questioning their faith through music. There are also movies like "Dogma" and books like "The DaVinci Code" that are outright blasphemous. While some are celebrated, songs like "One Of Us" are silenced. These are not even made to sway people from their respective faiths, but born out of sincere questions. The powers-that-be took action where they saw fit, and "One of Us" was pulled out of radio frequency and Joan Osbrone was dropped from her label.

Then there are blatant hate crimes, with their prime example being "The Innocence of Muslims". For those of you still in the dark, this movie was made by an American with fraud charges, who allegedly duped the cast into participating and then dubbed certain parts as he saw fit. He claimed he had Jewish backup, and then changed his story as being a Coptic Christian. He showed the movie at a local cinema with almost no turn-up, but the movie was somehow picked up and was exposed across the globe.

The glory of Internet.

Needless to say, rage sparked, riots ensued, and a life was lost. Muslims all over the world reacted to the movie. A "peaceful protest" was also held in Kuala Lumpur yesterday. We Muslims played right into their hands. These sick people want nothing more than to show everyone that Muslims are sensitive, violent people.

Seriously. We played right into their hands.

I get the reason behind the anger. If someone disses my mom in public, I'd probably go mental and give him a sucker punch, repercussions be damned. The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) was more than a leader and a revered individual; he is a symbol. This movie portrays the prophet as a barbarian, a pedophile, and a bisexual. This movie portrays Islam in the worst possible ways.

But does this anger warrant an attack against a whole country? What do you aim to gain? What is your message?

An interesting observation, though. While "One Of Us" was swiftly and silently dealt with, the powers-that-be remain at a safe distance with "The Innocence of Muslims". I am not a controversy theorist, but I'm positive there is something wrong going on here.

But again, does this warrant killing someone? I was caught in a massive traffic yesterday, and my friend was late to attend his clinic, and there were also at least two ambulances that were held up.

My questions: had the lives in the ambulances be lost, would the protest have been worth it? Or these protesters didn't even think about the consequences of creating a city-wide traffic jam? I saw some of these protesters, and they were young people. Were they seriously riled up, or were they just in for the fun? Prominent people from the major political parties were involved; if America retaliates, would the government wash off their hands and claim that the protest was unsanctioned?

I was angered when I saw the movie clip, but God blessed me with a sound mind. I believe He blessed a whole lot of other people with the same gift, Muslim or not. I can understand why Muslims all over the world are angered, but reacting violently against a whole nation?

What do we aim to achieve? An apology? Americans are publicly apologizing even though they are not at fault. Isn't that enough? What do you want? Do you want to defend the Glory of Allah, of His messenger?

There are a whole lot of better ways to do so. Ways that don't resort to violence. Ways that don't declare to the world that Muslims are terrorists.

I still question my faith. I miss Allah's presence in my soul, and that is reflected in the stories I write. I want to be nearer to Him, but I will not stop questioning.

Because Allah has blessed me with a sound mind. He doesn't make mistakes. I hope you will use your sound mind to reflect on this, and not blindly react with hate and violence.

Assalamualaikum, everyone.

Peace be with you.

"One Of Us" by Joan Osborne

So one of these nights and about twelve o'clock
This old world's going to reel and rock
Saints will tremble and cry for pain
For the Lord's gonna come in his heavenly airplane

If God had a name, what would it be?
And would you call it to his face,
If you were faced with Him in all His glory?
What would you ask if you had just one question?

And yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us?
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make His way home?

If God had a face, what would it look like?
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like Heaven and in Jesus and the saints
And all the prophets? And...

Yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make His way home?

(Just?) tryin' to make His way home
Back up to Heaven all alone
Nobody callin' on the phone
'Cept for the Pope, maybe, in Rome

Yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make His way home?

Just tryin' to make His way home
Like a holy rolling stone
Back up to Heaven all alone
Just tryin' to make His way home
Nobody callin' on the phone
'Cept for the Pope, maybe, in Rome