Dear Internet bully (the sequel)

Dear Internet Bully,

More often than not, the best way to deal with a crazy person is to not make eye contact, ignore him, and stay away. Sometimes this technique does not work, as evidenced here. So I have no choice but to confront you.

I have, since boyhood, learned to observe people. I was not being a coward by not responding to any of your gibes. For one, I do not believe your remarks are worth replying to. More important, however, was the more you commented, the more you gave me a chance to learn about you.

This is about my post on my new car, isn't it? This is where it started. Was I being insensitive? On a certain level, I thought so. I thought talking about life after the accident would mean I disrespect the other family. I still live with survivor's guilt, an old term for post-traumatic stress disorder.

But you see, I have to move on. I have to rise from this rut and do my best to save other sons, other fathers, other brothers involved in accidents. And Allah must have such a plan for me, because I'm in the perfect position to do so. So I am not disrespecting the other family by moving on. I have to believe that.

Back to you. For you to be this affronted can mean several things, since you are not in any way involved in the accident:

1. You're just a mean-spirited person who cannot see others doing well, and you make a point in going all out pulling that person down.
2. You have been in a similar situation, and you still blame the other party. Taking it out on me gives you a sense of power in your otherwise hopeless situation.
3. You are frustrated with your life, and seeing others doing well is rubbing salt in your wound.
4. You are mentally unstable, and you need professional help.
5. You are a bully, plain and simple. Demeaning others empowers you, and you revel in the safety of anonymity. Because that is all you are good at: bullying.

Because you use both English and Malay, your localization is specific. Because you can perfectly understand my posts, and write using decent grammar, I can safely say you are an educated person. Diploma or degree, maybe. Or you have spent time in English-speaking places that it's your primary tongue. I may be unpopular, but my list of 'enemies' isn't THAT long.

Truth: there is one more possibility I can add to the list above. Even my mom suspects him, but I told her it's not possible. It's not impossible, but I will not acknowledge its possibility.

I believe in freedom of speech, but I also believe in accountability for that freedom. You keep yammering about my accountability, but what about yours? You call me a coward, but you keep hiding behind false identities and proxy IPs while you throw sticks and stones at me.

So here's my challenge: I have removed anonymous comments. You have to log in to do so. I will not remove your current comments, and I shall wear them as I would a badge, but I challenge you to reveal yourself, and stop being a hypocrite.

I want you to know one thing. Only a few people can break me: my mother, my sister, my brother, and myself. I have broken myself in more ways you can possibly imagine, and no matter what you throw at me, you cannot unravel me any further. All my life people have thrown difficulties and complications my way, and I'm still here, am I not?

I chose to stay silent because your words do not harm me. I chose to speak up because my sister encourages me to, because I owe it to her and to my friends who read this blog to stand up for myself.

I refuse to take down the post you find offensive, and I refuse to apologize for anything. I have made my apologies, I have done my best to save the life of one of the children involved in the accident. I still bear physical, mental and emotional pains that remind me of the day, and I have chosen to move on, to make the pain my strength.

I have not offended you or harmed you in any way. I do not even know you, nor do I care to. Any issues you think you have with me are all in your head. And I'm sorry for you.

 

Always,
Fadz