The Journey Thus Far

Last night, Selangor Young Talent Awards (SEYTA) took place at the MBSA auditorium, Wisma MBSA. This was the second year the ceremony was organized, celebrating the Arts, but catered for artists aged 35 and below. Four main categories were covered: creative writing, music, visual art and performing art.

Late last month, one of the organizers, Ammar Gazali, emailed me saying that he was nominating me for the award. I read the email three times before I jumped in my seat. So I sent all 19 of my published stories, compiled in a pretty PDF form, with a cover Kasha designed--she gave me four covers to choose from. How cool is that?

For the record, my 20th story, "Gestures of Faith" (previously "Remember Atlantis") has been contracted for publication, and from what Amir Muhammad said last night, I may hear good news from Esquire Malaysia. Here's to hoping.

So I went on with my life, sporadically writing my novel with a burst of 3000 words at a go, followed by a week of silence, until last Sunday Amir FB-messaged me to free my Saturday. My story "A Long Sigh Goodnight", which CCC Press had bought for Black and White and other new short stories from Malaysia, was chosen as one of the five finalists for the creative writing: English novels/short stories category.

Wild, isn't it? I originally wrote the story for MPH-Alliance Short Story Competition 2009. It didn't even make the long list. I rearranged a few scenes--the story was complete, and I didn't want to edit much--and when I read the call for submission from CCC Press on Sharon Bakar's blog, sending the story there felt right. It's one of the seven stories selected for the anthology, due out sometime this year.

I didn't get my hopes up. Having a best friend who more often than not ended up disappointing me, I learned the hard way not to hope for good things; that way I don't get disappointed. I arranged for a flight home--I needed to see my dermatologist anyway--and reserved SEVEN tickets for the ceremony. Kasha, Ayis and Arwen had arranged for a Pekan trip for the long weekend, so Mama, Faiz and Ili came, plus Tita, her husband and her friend. Yep, I had my posse along, like I always do.

I'd be lying if I say I was a nervous wreck throughout drive to the auditorium. When we arrived, I felt like peeing, defecating and barfing at the same time.

I'd never been to an award ceremony--school award ceremonies don't count. It was uber cool. It was airwolf. Awesomesauce. There was even a harpist, yo! When my category came, with my name on the screens, and hearing it announced, my heart thumped against my chest, threatening to fall at the slightest move, my mouth and throat dried up, and I clutched the armrests of my seat until my fingers hurt.

I didn't win.

Lee Eeleen did, with her story Amplitude, which was published in Selangor Times. You can read her story here. I took the link from Amir Muhammad's blog. The story deserves the win, hands down.

I'm totally fine not winning the category because the rush of anticipation, the jumble of excitement and anxiety, I won't trade it for anything. I got to experience it. I'm thankful for it.

But, more than that, I attended the ceremony with a clear intention. In our FB exchanges, Amir Muhammad mentioned he wanted to see me if possible. A publisher wanting to talk to me. How cool is that? So, after the ceremony, we met up, and he pitched me an idea for a novel for him to publish (and more). I told him I'm working on a novel, and I have to finish it--partly because I've never written any novel-length work before, and partly because the story needs to be told. Amir asked where I plan to send the novel, and I said I'll think about it when the time comes. But definitely I'm going traditional with it. He said not to rush on the novel idea, and he'll be waiting for it, because he loved my writing.

Awesomesauce, right?

I'm still reeling from the excitement, the possibilities that lie before me. Two-and-a-half years ago, Tita nudged (as in forced) me to pick up writing again. I had stopped writing stories since 2004. I didn't start writing immediately; I knew I needed to learn how to write. I knew that in my arrogance back in the earlier days, I thought I wrote well. I still cringe when I read my earlier works. I bought books after books about writing. I devoured them all, and I would have literally done it if it were possible. When I felt I was ready, I wrote "A Long Sigh Goodnight", then I wrote "The Last Anniversary". Both didn't make the long-list, but I didn't stop writing.

When Tita told me about Writing.com, I joined it. I wrote flash fictions (stories under 1000 words) for their daily flash competition. I think 75-80% of my entries won. I wrote more. I joined Let's Publish!, a group within Writing.com that concentrated on publishing short stories and poems. We reviewed and edited one another's works, and I learned to edit better, to write better.

I posted some of my flash fictions on my old blog, and one of the readers suggested sending "Mother" to Quarterly Literary Review Singapore (QLRS). The accepted the story for their October 2009 volume. When the good folks of Let's Publish! challenged ourselves to write something out of our normal style, "Vision" was born. Scared the crap out of me writing it, but I sold it to "Expanded Horizons". USD30, my first payment for writing. I had asked Dash to mail me the check.

And I started getting payment for all my subsequent stories. I also won second place for SFReader Short Story Contest 2010 for "Blood Debt", and I sold "Act of Faith" to COSMOS Australia, my first professional market (USD 0.05 and above per word). I received a whopping AUD300 for the 4000-word story.

And now, a finalist for an award, and an offer for novel publication (and more).

I have tasted the sweet drug of award nomination, and I want more. I've only been actively publishing my works for two years now, and I hope there will be more years to come. I know my stories are publishable. I'm getting paid for them. I think it's time to aim higher. I want to write great stories, award-winning stories, stories that resonate, that linger, that matter.

I hope that you'll come along for the ride. After all, I'll always need my posse with me.

Peace be with you.

Always.

 

Comments

[Breanna]

I get all misty when I see friends succeeding with their writing. This is such good news, and you completely deserve it. Can't wait to see what happens next, and so happy for you!

[John Ling]

That's a great, great achievement. Congratulations for catching the eye of Amir Muhammad -- he's definitely one of Malaysia's most exciting publishers. And if he takes you on board, you're certainly in good hands.

[Fadzlishah Johanabas]

It's exciting, but daunting. I have yet to complete a novel-length work. But yes, it's definitely exciting.

[John Ling]

To be honest, there's more lying in 'non-fiction' than there is in fiction.

Case in point: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_cups_of_tea

[John Ling]

Sorry, posted in the wrong comment box.

[Annafisha]

Wow congratulations Fadz!As I've said a million times, you're very talented. I knew it you would be a published writer someday and that day has come.I'm so happy for you ^_^

[Mama]

Fadz, I pray for you to become a great surgeon as well as a great writer.
Love you always, mama.